


how strange to dream of you even when i am wide awake

by talk_too_much



Series: dreaming of you [2]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Confessions of love, Getting Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-26
Updated: 2020-02-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:33:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22914049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/talk_too_much/pseuds/talk_too_much
Summary: In which Buck finds himself in love with his best friend, but it's fine, they're figuring it out.(Part two ofi'll see you in my dreams)
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: dreaming of you [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1646854
Comments: 15
Kudos: 321





	how strange to dream of you even when i am wide awake

**Author's Note:**

> so I went back and forth about writing an epilogue for a while before ultimately deciding I wanted to give them a more definitively happy ending so, here that is! thank you so much for all the kudos and kind comments on the first part of this (definitely read that before this btw), they truly made my day. :) enjoy!
> 
> title is from [this poem](https://story-dj.tumblr.com/post/120004859125/how-strange-to-dream-of-you-even-when-i-am-wide) by david jones

After Buck was discharged from the hospital, Bobby put him on a two-week medical leave despite Buck insisting he felt fine.

When he wasn’t daydreaming about going back to work, he was daydreaming about Eddie. Flashes of brown eyes, stubbled jaws, and tanned skin plagued his thoughts and left him just a little breathless each time.

The more time he had to think about it, the more he was sure that he was in love with Eddie. The surer he was, the more he wondered how he ever could’ve thought it was anything else but love.

It was day six of his leave when Buck felt like the walls of his living room were actually closing in on him. Eddie texted him every couple hours to check-in when he wasn’t busy and had been by with Chris a couple of times to deliver flowers and cards left at the station for him. Buck teased him about mother-henning and how he got enough of that from Maddie, but he couldn’t deny that the days he got to see them were the best ones he’d had since he got out of the hospital by far. He missed them, even when he’d just seen them.

Buck sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face and before he could convince himself it was a bad idea, he was calling Eddie and asking if he and Chris had eaten dinner yet.

\---

Forty-five minutes later he was in their driveway with a bag of takeout.

Seeing Eddie was a blessing and a curse. He allowed himself to be pulled into a hug but he ached to reach up and thread his fingers through his hair, to bury his head in the crook of Eddie’s neck. He had to settle with a pat on his back before he was kneeling down and wrapping Christopher in a hug.

It struck him how easy it was for him to slot himself into their lives, how effortlessly he and Eddie moved around the kitchen grabbing plates and cups and silverware, how right it felt to smile and laugh over his fork as Chris told him about his day at school and Eddie told them about how a buddy back in Texas told him about a bull loose at a car dealership in Austin that he saw on the news. 

He helped Eddie with the few dishes, shoulders brushing as he dried plates and forks after Eddie rinsed off the soap. Afterward, they all piled onto the couch, Christopher tucked into Buck’s side as they watched a couple of episodes of his latest favorite show. He caught Eddie looking at them a few times with a soft smile playing at his lips when he thought Buck wasn’t paying attention, quickly looking back towards the TV when Buck glanced back at him.

Before long, Chris was yawning and dozing off where he sat leaning against Buck, Eddie took that as a sign to get him up and ready for bed. Buck smiled and ruffled his hair as he wished him a good night and promised to take him to the aquarium before his leave was up. 

“The aquarium? You spoil him,” Eddie said as he walked back into the living room, handing Buck a beer as he flopped onto the couch and grabbed the remote, quickly navigating the Netflix app. They were slowly working their way through the _Indiana Jones_ franchise and apparently _Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade_ was up next.

“He deserves it,” Buck replied, shrugging as he watched the opening title appear on the screen.

“Yeah, he does.” Eddie grinned at him over the mouth of his bottle.

He knew he was supposed to be watching the movie, but every time he turned his attention to the screen, his eyes wandered back to Eddie sitting beside him. There was an ache in his chest that had been there ever since he’d woken up and realized everything he dreamt hadn’t been real. He missed Eddie’s easy affectionate touches, missed Eddie calling him “baby”, he missed holding his hand and falling asleep wrapped in his arms, it all twinged like a phantom limb. _It’s strange_ , he thought, _to miss someone while they’re sitting right next to you_. But he was _tired_ , tired of missing Eddie when he was so close. 

Before he could lose his nerve, he blurted out, “Do you wanna know what I dreamed about while I was out for those three days?”

“Hm? Yeah, sure,” Eddie replied, eyes still trained on the TV. 

Buck’s heart was thundering in his chest, he could hardly hear the movie over the sound of his pulse and blood rushing through his ears. He took a deep breath, steeling himself for either making the biggest mistake or best decision of his entire life.

“Everything was the same, you were there, the team was there, I uh... I would wake up and go to sleep and go to work like usual, except… we were married,” the last part left his lungs in a rush of breath as he saw Eddie slowly turn to face him, eyes wide. He barrelled on, words leaving his mouth so quickly he couldn’t stop them if he wanted to. “And at first, I thought it was really fucking weird, right? Because you’re my best friend, Eddie. My best friend in the whole world. I couldn’t imagine ever jeopardizing that. But, it just _worked_. _We_ worked. It was you and me and Christopher and I can’t remember ever feeling happier than I did in that dream. Ever since I’ve woken up, all I can think about is you and it’s driving me crazy. Eddie, I—,” he finally paused to let out a shaky breath, “I’m in love with you. And it’s okay if you don’t feel the same way, we can forget this ever happened, I’ll get over it and I’ll still be your best friend and nothing has to change, but I couldn’t just keep walking around like I wasn’t—” The last part of his sentence was cut off by Eddie surging forward and capturing his lips in a kiss.

Buck was shocked into stillness for half a second before he was reaching for him, one hand cupping his jaw the other tangling in the fabric of his t-shirt to pull him closer. He felt the knot that had tied itself around his heart melt away as Eddie kissed him, slow and sweet like he was trying to savor it. The happiness he felt was all-consuming, he felt himself smiling into every press of Eddie’s lips against his own, and soon it was spilling out of his throat in laughter. Eddie pulled away, Buck leaned forward trying to chase his lips.

“You’re not still on those pain meds, are you?” Eddie asked, raising an eyebrow at him, but he was smiling too.

Buck let out another huff of breathless laughter as he shook his head. When he brought his hands up to hands up to hold Eddie’s face between his palms he realized they were shaking. It felt like he was too big for his skin like he was seconds away from combusting, he was dizzy with it, light-headed as his brain processed that he was allowed to have this, have _him_.

“Please tell me this isn’t another dream.”

Eddie leaned forward, stopping when he was close enough that his lips brushed against Buck’s as he whispered, “This isn’t a dream.” 

Buck let out a shuddering breath and wrapped his arms around Eddie’s neck, tugging him forward to close the remaining space between them. Buck lost track of time as they kissed, seconds could’ve been minutes, hours, days, he wasn’t sure. When Eddie sank back into the cushions and pulled at him so that he was straddling his lap, he was pretty sure his heart stuttered to a stop for a second.

He didn’t know what was more devastating, the feeling of Eddie’s arms wrapped around his waist, wandering fingers brushing the skin just under the hem of his t-shirt, or pulling back to take a breath and looking down at Eddie sprawled out under him, cheeks flushed, lips red and spit-slick, panting like he’d just run a marathon. He trailed a hand down Eddie’s chest, stopping when he felt his heartbeat thundering under his touch, warm and alive and very much real.

Eddie sighed and rested his head against the back of the couch, running his hands down Buck’s thighs as he looked up at him. “God, Buck,” he murmured, “there were so many times I almost let myself believe you could feel the same way, but I couldn’t risk losing you if you didn’t, not with how much you mean to me, how much you mean to Chris. I convinced myself I could be content just being your friend, but now—” he brought a hand up to Buck’s neck, thumb stroking over his jaw, “I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to let you go.” He pulled Buck down, lips meeting in a surprisingly chaste kiss despite the fire thrumming through his veins. “I love you, I’m _in love_ with you, too.” 

Hearing those words leave his mouth stole the breath from Buck's lungs and it was all he could do but look down at Eddie and repeat his words back to him in wonder. “You’re in love with me.”

“Have been for a while, no idea why.” Eddie deadpanned, but the soft smile on his face and the way he gently dragged his thumb over Buck’s lower lip told a different story. 

“You see, I think it has something to do with my winning-personality and charming good looks.”

Eddie laughed lightly. “You’re impossible and stubborn and no one else pisses me off like you do,” he said, “but, you’re so _good_ , Buck. You’re good for me, good for Chris, good for the station and Maddie and Chim and Bobby and Hen,” he lifted one of Buck’s hands to his lips and pressed a kiss into his palm, almost like he was leaving it there for safekeeping, “You are good.” 

Buck couldn’t find the words to adequately describe the emotion that filled his chest, so he instead settled for sliding off Eddie’s lap and laying down on the couch, pulling Eddie with him so he was half laying on top of him, head resting on Buck’s chest with an arm thrown over his stomach.

He rubbed his hand up and down Eddie’s back until his eyes fluttered closed. “And if I knew that’s all it would take to shut you up for five seconds, I would’ve told you a long time ago,” Eddie said, voice slow and sleepy as he sighed and tightened his arm around Buck’s waist.

Buck laughed and ducked his head down to press a kiss to his temple and finally let himself relax and drift off to sleep.

Cramped on a couch that probably wasn’t big enough for two full-grown men with Eddie a comforting weight on top of him and the TV casting soft shadows over the living room, it was the best Buck had slept in years. 

**Author's Note:**

> I just remade my tumblr! pls come [hang with me there](https://buckleys-diaz.tumblr.com/) if you want to. :)


End file.
